It Takes Two to Tango

Follow up on more thoughts from the previous post: I am Liesl.

Definition of stupid: lacking or marked by lack of intellectual acuity.

I have been carrying around proudly the sign that says “I am not with stupid anymore” for a while now. Until I recently realized that I met another stupid. The new sign says “I am not wasting my time with stupid number two anymore”.

But one question that hunts me: Was I the stupid in both cases or were they actually and genuinely the stupid ones? 

They say it takes two to tango or it takes two a pair of hands to make a clapping sound. If that is the case, than I must have done something that gave them the idea that it’s okay to do stupid things.  

It’s very easy to point fingers at one and another. You did this, didn’t do that, say to this, forgot that, took too long to reply to text, etc, etc.  But what were the things that I did wrong? Don’t get me wrong, I know in the heat of the moment we blame the other party, I do too. I also know, there are times when the guy is completely at fault. But once the storm clams down, we don’t see the things that we have done wrong and repeat the same mistakes again. My question to myself is, what have I done wrong that resulted into this?

A friend told me, since I am the girl, it’s alright for me not any effort, take things for granted, and have high expectation, don’t be so understanding even if its rain, snow, or even with a tsunami.  

This philosophy may work perfectly for some but I don’t think it will work well for me. I am also a strong believer of life isn’t always a bed of roses, butterflies, and sunshine. That’s why we always can’t do the things that we want to every time for everyone. Plus, I am workaholic with my academics. Anyone who uses gives school as much priority as I do is always on my good book. Despite all these believes I once took someone for granted and later on been the one that was taken for granted. Ms. Karma is vicious. I have been in both sides. Maybe that is why I try to have less expectation from other and over guarding myself.

However, I know having less expectation and being understanding is something that got taken advantage of recently. But I believe or think that was the start of a chain reaction of bad decisions from my side with stupid number two is the result from being mind-f—ked for two years (Yes I know run-out sentence, don’t have to laugh at me).  

I have been over drained emotionally from my last relationship. This resulted into me being over guarding myself, “trying to look cool” and putting absolutely no effort into anything. But everything is two way street.  Even friendship. I did not realize that what I was lacking from my side until much later. Was this when stupid number two started his stupidness? Or he was always stupid and took me a while to catch on? Am I the problem in both cases? Or men are just naturally indecisive jerks?

We can dissect our every single move, text, conversation, contact, etc, but we will never know where and when things started to go wrong. So is there any solution to this dilemma? How can I find out what I did wrong?

This reminds of a really bad Matthew McConaughey movie: Ghost of Girlfriends Past. The foundation of the movie is from some the classic Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. In a nutshell, he decides to visit all of his past girlfriends to determine what he did wrong.

I guess I will be never know what I have done wrong to be in the same position twice. Like I said, it takes two to tango. The only solution will be Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) did in the movie. Will I be actually doing it?  Yes, no, maybe....